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You seek validation when what you are really searching for is connection…

It’s not easy to show up authentically in this life, in a world that expects and often demands that we show up and behave in a certain way, to feel accepted.

It becomes even more demanding when you start to consider, that what good looks like, isn’t consistent, there are many variables to this, and what is considered ‘good’ to one person, may look like ‘bad’ to someone else.

The nation you are born, religion, politics, your education, the environment in which you were raised, and your attitudes and opinions of others are all formed very early in your life, and these things together create an ideal in your mind.

It seems there isn’t then, any standard blueprint for what that looks like, with so many variables at play, it is inevitable, that the definition of what good looks like, is purely based on what the individual chooses to see and is as diverse in nature as each human life, with its own unique DNA pattern.

Everyone is different. 8 billion different sets of eyes, viewing their outer experience based on an individual internal emotional blueprint, programmed into us, by other people’s opinions of what good is, and their personal opinions about who you should be.

Yet despite that we search for and merge into groups of likeminded people, individuals at a genetic level, yet enmeshed with the narrative with our group on a psychological level, seeking validation of our own version of the story, by others who agree with us.

Whilst it is possible for different groups to work together and agree to disagree whilst accepting the others right to have an opinion, and the right of your own, the sad part is that at its worst, disagreement, judgement, and ignorance can lead to one group ‘hating’ the other, as we have seen over thousands of years, hate only leads to suffering, war, and needless loss of innocent human life.

It is impossible then not only to be in every single group, but it is also by default then impossible to please all the people all the time, in fact it’s quite likely that most people will ‘disagree’ with you on many things, so we rule them out when it comes to seeking outside validation.

Without even realising you’re doing it, you have ruled out a huge percentage of other people and the possibility of connection with them, because you believe that’s not possible, when your clearly from another ‘group’, these people will not validate you, they will challenge you. They will make you question your narrative. How it should be.

The safest option is to simply stay in your comfort zone, surrounded by like minded people who agree, that yes, “your right” – and for a second it feels like connection, when it is in fact only, temporary validation of a subconscious mental narrative, showing up as connection, yet no more than an imposter.

We carry around with us, our own measuring stick, our own built-in barometer of what good looks like, then we adjust to try and fit in. Permanently wearing a mask, constantly scanning the horizon for danger for anything that might disrupt that sense of meaning, whilst simultaneously looking for anything else that will reinforce it.